| Just when you think you have everything figured | | | | past, it left them no doubt that I was an abuser and |
| out, the Bible and its words are there, teaching, | | | | didn't deserve my children. |
| healing, convicting and blessing. I thought I was too | | | | Like so many voices from the past I was sure that |
| old for a religious epiphany but that couldn't have | | | | they were right and that I was the loser they said I |
| been farther from the truth. | | | | was. It was realized later in court documents and |
| In the book of Proverbs, chapter 22, verse 6, we | | | | CPS investigation that my ex-wife was the abuser |
| are told to "train up a child in the way he should go, | | | | and not me. I was mad that they never believed me |
| even when he is old he will not depart from it." I | | | | especially after I had been honest with them about |
| never realized until recently how true this statement | | | | my abused past. |
| really is. | | | | After 7 long years, I got a call at work from Child |
| In the first half of my life, I was trained by man. A | | | | Protective Services (CPS) that my children were on |
| man who was viscous, a brutal dictator who spent | | | | their fifth run in the system and that this time, it was |
| every waking minute of his life thinking up new ways | | | | really serious and did I want my children? |
| to make mine a living nightmare. | | | | Without hesitation my answer was yes. I call my |
| My stepfather was that and so much more. It's hard | | | | current wife and informed her of the situation and |
| sometimes to relate to others the horror of living | | | | she said no matter what, she would support me. I |
| through his physical abuse not knowing when or if he | | | | left work to go to South Bend, Indiana CPS to pick |
| was going to cut loose on me. Couple that with his | | | | them up and they were glad to see me which |
| keenly sharpened skill of mental torture and he was a | | | | surprised the welfare worker considering the way my |
| formidable opponent. | | | | ex-wife described how abusive I was with the |
| Not knowing what I was doing wrong to incur his | | | | children. She said my ex was obviously lying – go |
| wrath drove me nearly insane. I loved him and it | | | | figure! |
| seemed like he was trying to make me better | | | | We both made mistakes; we both came from |
| somehow but I didn't see it. When I was 16, I found | | | | dysfunctional homes looking for something better and |
| out that he wasn't my real father – that | | | | hoping to find it in each other. The only difference |
| answered a lot of my questions. | | | | was that I was determined to not go back to the |
| In the world I was growing up in, this all seemed to | | | | way it was, she wasn't and I couldn't and didn't know |
| be the norm. I mean, what else could I have done to | | | | how to help her. |
| stop from being chained to a pole in our basement at | | | | After many years of searching for the right answers, |
| the ripe old age of five? Not once when I was | | | | I reestablished my relationship with Jesus and for me |
| growing up did he ever call me by my name. He | | | | that was fine. My wife wasn't a churchgoer neither |
| would either talk at me or more times than not, | | | | were my boys but I would drag them with me |
| down to me. | | | | anyway. |
| I learned through some old letters that I had found | | | | hey were angry about God letting them be |
| that my real father was no prize either. On more | | | | molested and my girls were in denial of being |
| than one occasion before I was four, he used to | | | | molested so they struggled with their own |
| beat me with extension cords justifying it by saying | | | | self-identity. I wish I could say everything worked |
| that I bore a strong resemblance to my stepfather. | | | | out but it didn't. I wasn't an effective witness to my |
| So, he took out his aggression on me. | | | | children in the one area of their life where they really |
| Eventually I healed from the physical abuse but it | | | | needed it, their spiritual life. My two girls ended up |
| took even longer to try and recover from the | | | | back in church, one went to a Christian college and is |
| emotional abuse. The worst promise I ever made to | | | | now a music teacher, one recently got married and |
| myself was that I would do things different and not | | | | moved to Alaska where her now husband is |
| be like my parents. Problem was I had no other | | | | stationed in the US Army Reserves. |
| examples in my life of just how a parent was | | | | My youngest son wants nothing to do with God |
| supposed to parent. | | | | – I witness to him as the opportunity comes up |
| I ran my marriage and managed my children like the | | | | and his only response is that he knows he's going to |
| autocratic leader I was brought up to be. My wife, | | | | hell but wants to enjoy the ride. It makes my heart |
| who is now my ex-wife loved God while I hated Him. | | | | sad but, I pray for him and his salvation daily hoping |
| She had something in her that I coveted and | | | | and praying that he'll turn away from his anger of |
| dreamed about – a peace that surpassed all | | | | God and to know that good things can come out of |
| understanding and I wanted that peace. I wanted to | | | | the rubble of one's life. |
| be free from the demons in my mind. | | | | My oldest son turned out to be so violent he had to |
| I wasn't a good husband or provider for that matter. | | | | be locked up and kept away from society for fear |
| I tried but always in my mind fell short succumbing to | | | | he would kill us, and that he was a diagnosed |
| those demons in my mind and heart. Eventually, | | | | psychopath. |
| through my emotional manipulation, I stripped her of | | | | I became what I always wanted to be a minister. My |
| her God and brought her down to my level. | | | | ministry is helping those who know what I know and |
| I have always regretted that even unto this day. | | | | who have been through what I've been through. Am |
| Eventually, I allowed her to go back to church and | | | | I an expert? Yes. Am I perfect? NO! God uses me to |
| slowly let God come into my life. I was angry, I was | | | | help those who understand the beating live can |
| bitter but I didn't know by who or what. I needed | | | | sometimes hand out. |
| someone to blame. It wasn't by my doing that I was | | | | Defeat the devil inside you. Never give up. Look to |
| made the way I was! | | | | the Cross and lean on Jesus at all times – His |
| A dear friend of mine name Jim lead me to the Lord | | | | burden is easy and His yoke is light. Don't look to this |
| and my life was different, it was good, the emotions | | | | world for help – you'll only experience deeper |
| were very real and I hoped would be life lasting but | | | | dissatisfaction. Am I saying that counseling is not a |
| they weren't. It turned out that my seed (the Word | | | | valuable tool? May it never be so! But never forget |
| received with great joy) fell among the rocks, | | | | the model for living your life may be found in the |
| sprouted and quickly died as they had no root in the | | | | pages of the Bible – the instruction book on life if |
| firmament. | | | | you will. |
| We later divorced, which was the best thing for both | | | | God patiently waits on those who seek Him. If you're |
| of us and the kids. We had been in the system as | | | | unsure of your relationship with our Father and with |
| far as the kids were concerned. My anger and PTSD | | | | His Son Jesus Christ, contact me. Together, we'll |
| issues assured the Child Protective Services that I | | | | seek guidance from the Father to eliminate those |
| was villain they were looking for coupled with my | | | | things which are interfering with your walk with God. |